- the plural of anecdote is not data.-lenny- - memes don't exist -- tell your friends - So I have to be able to perform the actions in the movie before I can critique it? Ok. You have to survive being boiled and then held underwater before you can have an opinion on tea.-gutnik- - Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best. -Lazarus Long- - Condoms aren't completely safe. I was wearing one and got hit by a truck. - I firmly believe that any man's finest hour is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle, victorious. - So there I was, flat on my back. Hopeing to *god* they'd inflate. -overheard at arisia- - If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. - If the universe made sense, then men would ride side saddle - 'Cause I'm faithful to my lady, and my lady is the road. -Rose Platt- - adventure can be a puffy sticker out of a vending machine, if people are looking at it the right way. -adam- - That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Because I wrote it down on flypaper. -Ford ][- - If my kids decide to take out half a town square from a clock tower I'm going to be issuing statements like, "I know she did a terrible thing, but look what fine aim she has!" - You're hard on crotches.-Pixel- - trying to define my gender would be like trying to define what variety of fruit my car is -Christa- - Procrastinate Now. - STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere! - MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose. -Get out of your bed, put on the Abercrombie pants and GAP shirt your mommy and daddy bought for you and right the wrongs you have participated in.-Article on campus hate- - A rising tide covers a lot of shipwrecks.-Kirk Walden- - I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.-English Professor, Ohio University- - The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.-Ellen Parr- - Keep the company of those who seek the truth, and run from those who have found it. -Vaclav Havel- - God and Country are an unbeatable team; they break all records foroppression and bloodshed. -Luis Buquel- - An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.-Niels Bohr- - Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.-Jeff Raskin- - I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. -John Cage- - Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.-Mark Twain- - I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.-Ashleigh Brilliant- - Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.-Phyllis Diller- - It is going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.-Kim Hubbard- - There's a sick, disgusting animal living in all of us - you just had the courage to let it come out and ravage the townsfolk!-Tim Deale- - Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.-Henny Youngman- - Kids today have so many advantages I never had.There's no telling what I could've accomplished with a home computer and a handgun.-LeMel Hebert-Williams- - If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler. -Quan Choi- - While I'm fully aware that money can't buy happiness, I wouldn't mind being known as "the melancholy guy who drives the red Lamborghini Diablo.-George Olson- - It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.-W. Edwards Deming- - The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? - What was the best thing before sliced bread? - Liberal Arts Major . . . Will Think For Food - Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship - A City Is a Large Community Where People Are Lonesome Together - In America Anyone Can Be President . . . That's One of the Risks You Take - I intend to live forever - so far so good. - The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. - It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it - Never mess up an apology with an excuse. - Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. - Make sure to take off your shoes before SHOVING YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH. Socks, however, provide an interesting aftertaste. - ...misery loves company...so does horniness - I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to mis-attribute this quote to Voltaire.-Avram Grumer- - I'm not weird. Psychopaths are weird. I'm pleasantly strange. -Mycroft- - - Though apparently the original purpose of bagpipes was to scare the crap out of the enemy in battle. ("Aiiie! We're being attacked by Catholic schoolgirls, and you should SEE what they're doing to those poor cats!")-Ehursh- - One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. -Groucho Marx- - If you get that tongue fixed, you could make million of people happy.-Bernie the Agent to Kermit in The Muppet Movie- - I just got a very silly image in my head of a goth funeral where everyone shows up driving hearses and the people who run the funeral parlor are forced to play find-the-casket.-Christa- - Valvoline is the #1 choice of top mechanics. I guess submissive mechanics use Quaker State. -Christa- - Warning: objects in bodice are smaller than they appear. - I was very disappointed when I realized that "canonization" does not involve shooting the person out of a cannon.-B Slinker- - I like the world to throw bright shiny incongruities in my way. It makes me laugh.-Ann- - Results! Why man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.-Thomas Alva Edison - - If all the world's a stage, then I want to operate the trap door. - If USENET is anarchy, IRC is a paranoid schizophrenic after 6 days on speed. - | <- You must be smarter than this stick to ride the Internet - A tiny bottle of Scope is a lousy substitute for a real vagina, especially when you are traveling.-cockeyed.com- - You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.-Edward Flaherty- - You gotta sing like you don't need the money, love like you'll never get hurt. You've gotta dance like nobody's watching - it's gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.- Garnet Rogers _At a High Window_- - I'm tired of all this business about beauty being only skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas?-Jean Kerr- - I've got half a mind to get another lobotomy - I kind of like the idea of a mind-destroying tome of evil appearing in mass-market rack-size paperback - Why should I spend my life doing work I despise to earn money I don't need to buy things I don't want, to impress people I can't stand? - The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End. - Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.-Sean Gomez- - The good die young. However, most people are morally ambiguous, which explains our random dying patterns.-some MST3K episode- - If you can't find it on the web, when you find it, put it there.-John Bowker- - Objective: To have a job that pays decently and doesn't make my brain atrophy or make me want to chew off my own limbs to escape. -Laurie Brunner- - Intelligence is the ability to see many points of view without going completely bonkers. -Douglas Adams- - I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.-A. Whitney Brown- - Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. - It is the friends you can call at 4AM that matter. -Marlene Dietrich- - Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.-Tom Robbins- - Of all the buildings ever built pyramids have lasted the longest, for triangles are stronger than lines.-Marianne E. Gawne- (daughter of a polyamorous household) - All dates consist of three things; food, entertainment and affection. At first, there is a lot of entertainment and only a little affection. As the relationship progresses, the entertainment is decreased and the affection is increased. When the affection becomes the entertainment, we no longer call it "dating". At no time may the food be omitted. -Miss Manners- - The border between the Real and the Unreal is not fixed, but just marks the last place where rival gangs of shamans fought each other to a standstill. -Robert Anton Wilson- - Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.-Albert Camus- - It is retrograde to clone. There are other ways of making people identical. We can put them through the same schools and subject them to eight hours of TV every day. That works a lot better. Why do you think Americans are buying SUVs?-Steen Willadse- - Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that. - Sanity is a one trick pony -- all you have is rational thought. But when you're good and loony, the sky's the limit!-The Tick- - "This is like being nibbled to death by .. um .. pah .. What are those Earth creatures called? Feather, long bill, webbed feet, go quack?" 'Cats.' "Cats. I'm being nibbled to death by cats." -"Londo" and 'Vir'- - Here at Artillery Command we have at our diposal hundred megawatt laser beams, mach 20 titanium rods and guided thermonuclear bombs. Some people say we think that we're God. We're not God. We just borrowed his SMITE button for our fire control system. - Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. -Foghorn Leghorn- - Mere alcohol is no match for creative insanity. -Ace Lightning- - Everything I needed to know in life I learned in Kindergarten. Like: If it's from Acme, and the words "rocket powered" or "explosive" are on the package, walk, don't run, away quickly, and don't bother the nice birdie on your way out. - There are two kinds of people. I'm not either of them. - Organized religion is like saying "one size fits all". Give me disorganized religion (or just a good idea) any day. - If you were given a single wish, what would you wish for? Why are you still here? Don't you have something to strive for now? - If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work. 'Hello, can't work today. Still queer.' -Robin Taylor- - You may have noticed, I'm not all there, myself. -Cheshire Cat- - "Lennier; get us the hell out of here!" 'Initiating "getting the hell out of here" manoeuvre.' -"Ivanova" & 'Lennier', Babylon 5- - The only thing better than messing with somebody's sense of reality is messing with a whole LOTTA people's sense of reality....-J. Michael Straczynski (Producer, creator, etc. of Babylon 5)- - "My elbows are grass-stained, I've got sticks in my hair, I'm covered with bug bites and cuts and scratches... I've got sand in my socks and leaves in my shirt, my hands are sticky with sap, and my shoes are soaked! I'm hot, dirty, sweaty, itchy and tired." 'I say consider this day seized!' -"Calvin" & 'Hobbes'- - And beware, for after all your critiques, the author still has one fairly devastating question to ask in return, the eternal question of the creator to the one who experiences the creation: "Where were *you* when page one was blank?"-Diane Duane- - Did you know a single fur coat takes fourteen trees just for the protest signs?-Emo Phillips- - I do try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. - Attention all units - a giant worm has been seen slithering up Fifth Avenue toward the Empire State Building! He started out at the Brooklyn Bridge as a very docile creature, but he's been mugged 27 times so far and starting to get ticked off! -Mad book of Sex, Violence and Home Cooking- - Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.-Lisa Simpson- - 'You're silly.' "I'm very silly, but - that's what I _do_ for a living."-'Gwen & "Leslie" in _Toys_- - Can God create a rock He cannot lift? The real question is, Is God that bored?-Traveler Farlander- - I'm a patriot. I love my decadent, cosmopolitan, self-indulgent, racially-mixed, godless, intellectually dilletante, drug-abusing, promiscuous, queer-loving country. And its flag is the Stars and Stripes.-Patrick Nielsen Hayden- - Some people have a genuine gift of poetry, a way with words that surpasses beauty and touches the deepest parts of one's soul... and some people, um, thingy. - If you're so Goth, where were you when they sacked Rome? - It is just as important to have some madness to your method as it is to have some method to your madness. - Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key - And now, if anyone wants to talk, I'll be over there in the corner trying to restuff this crap back in the matching three piece luggage set I drag my emotional baggage around in.-BarbaraFox- - Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. - Whatever it is that unitarians see when they have a near-death experience, I just saw it... I saw something non-denominational and benevolent.-Caitlin- - When your dream comes true, you're out one dream. -The Nields_Tomorrowland_- - No Shit! There we were... - On the whole we like people who have a sense of humor about themselves. It saves us the trouble of laughing at them.-Dave Hull- - But the thing is, well, most men and women do live lives of quiet desperation. They don't reach for brass rings. They don't dare to be different. They rationalize, put off, go along. Then they wonder why their life sucks.-Mike Sager- - you should wear with pride the scars on your skin. They're a map of the adventures, and the places you've been.-"U Li La Lu" by Poi Dog Pondering- - Millions of years ago, there was a creature that sounded like a vacuum cleaner. We don't know much about it, but we do know that it ate cats. - for the longest time, I’ve been under the impression that I was slightly schizophrenic... because when I drive at night, everything is really strange... blurry and spooky... the glare of the traffic lights is almost unbearable. it's as if every night was a Las Vegas Jubilee. well, I discovered something tonight that has me slightly miffed. hmphers, I’m not schizophrenic afterall... I’m just a slob who owns a dirty car with tree sap all over the windshield. but that doesn't explain the midgets... so there's still hope for me yet. why do I wish to be crazy? so I can declare myself Holy Empress of the Galaxy and Protector of the Mysterious Cosmic Ramen Flavor Packet... and everyone would just humor me. - I'm 51% civilized and 49% barbarian, don't push it! - In my spare time I have been attempting to construct an Eskimo sentence in my basement, such as will be suitable for the season. I have not got it perfected yet, but it is coming along pretty well, and with a coat of paint or two it might pass for the genuine article. So far I have: kaniktshaq moritlkatsio atsuniartoq. When completed, this sentence will proclaim: "Look at all this f**king snow." At present it means: "Observe the snow. It fornicates." -Cecil Adams, The Straight Dope- - Sic biscuitus disintegratum - that's the way the cookie crumbles - I am stuff that is broken. -LeviAdams- - The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.' -Jason Alexander- - It's always scary when your assumptions get hit. They're sort of the funnybone of our minds -- tender and vulnerable.-Wired- - Love is like pork rinds. At first, it seems disgusting. Then, you try it, and it seems okay. Then you find out what goes into it, and you realize that you were right the first time. Except love isn't crunchy.-Johanna Bobrow- - I'm attached to you. Don't worry, though, it's a purely textual attraction.-someone on a BBS- - ...another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit - Europeans think 100 miles is a long way. Americans think 100 years is a long time - I don't flirt with death. She runs up and sticks her tongue in my ear. - I found Jesus, and he said, "Tag, you're it!" - 'Don't be a fucking idiot' should be a safeword - Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak POUNCE! - Lo' there do I see my father, Lo' there do I see my mother, my sisters, & my brothers, Lo' there do I see the line of my people, back to the beginning Lo' they do call to me, they bid me take my place among them, in the Halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live forever. -_Eaters_of_the_Dead_- - Just keep pretending to be able to chat and make idle plans like a normal person and you'll graduate to being Weird _and_ Functional, the best combination.-Vera Tobin- - How many boards would a Mongol hoard, if a Mongol hoard got bored? - The best part about sex is seeing what feels nice when combined with something else. it's like playing an old Sierra adventure game. - Everson's Constant: For every subject X, there are 3 Geocities pages saying 'X is Cool,' 2 saying 'X suX,' and at least 1 'X ate my balls.' -RJ Bertsche- - Of course all the logic and reason in the world means squat if the emotions are being belligerent bastards. -C. Baldwin, "Bruno"- - Never turn your back on a weasel with a power saw... - God in the lastest, chrome-plated dual-carb, chopped & channeled eight-hundred-horsepower incarnation. God's unspoken name is Vroooom! -