- Banshee begins to do fun and decorative things with
the probes from her dissection kit...-Banshee in a.c.-
- Hermits have no peer pressure.-Killj0y-
- We need a cat, preferably with a history of mental
illness -_Mouse Hunt_-
- Advice is a dish that is best served with logical
efficiency and a nice side salad.-CrossFire-
- I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone
stood around singing "Happy Birthday"
- never underestimate the power of stupid people in
large groups
- Jesus Saves.........at Chase Manhattan
- if the Lord giveth and taketh away...then why can't
He taketh away hith terrible lithp?-Killj0y-
- I took my cat in for a catscan.
Diagnosis? It was a cat.
- Curiosity?� Nah, I took care of that cat with the
lawn mower!-Killj0y-
- The more I learn about terrorism, the better I
understand the phone company
- Nice front bumper you've got there.
Shame if something happened to it....
- Next year, why not vacation in the millions of
worlds of a used book store?
- Weird Enough for Government Work
- Animal testing is futile! The animals always get
nervous and give the wrong answers
- Some push the envelope, some just lick it, and some
can't find the flap!
- Federal Espresso - When you absolutely, positively
have to have something that will get you going, no
matter what you were doing overnight!
- Smoking Cures Ham
- Nine out of ten men who have tried camels prefer women
- Always look on the bright side. If there isn't one,
check the light bulb, it is probably burned out.
- It's not as if I need anyone to help me, or brush my
hair for me. I'll just play with my dead horse...
-banshee-
- Go Ahead.. I'm cleared for weird.
- What a sight. . .flaming camels running everywhere
amidst a spray of water. . . -TheSaint-
- whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many
memories.-Killj0y-
- In Case Of Depression, Administer Hugs Immediately.
- A goal is a dream with a deadline-c`estmoi-
- practice safe sentience-S. Robinson-
- test him for drugs... then pump him full of whatever
he is low on-Beki-
- For there is truly nothing more beautiful, than the
sight of a lone man, facing singlehandedly, a half a
ton, of angry pot roast.-Tom Lehrer-
- Choosy perverts choose GIF
- 2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2)
- Condom - external storage
- Don't drink water. Fish make love in it.
- A dirty book is rarely dusty.
- How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
- Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
- Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
- Want a mental challenge? Try herding cats!
- A kitten is a small furry organism with a tropism for
where it's not supposed to be
- I said the *smile* was innocent...everything else is
negotiable.-Gesi-
- Weird enough for most purposes.
- Never criticise a man until you have walked a mile in
his shoes. Then, if he doesn't like it, it doesn't
matter because you're a mile away and you have his shoes
- Agents of Darwin. Special Weapons and Tactics
divison, Think of us as evolution in action
- perhaps a nice chicken sandwich...where can I find
two kinky chickens?
- I rememeber the first time I had sex...
I was scared... I was alone...
- Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.
- being weird takes more effort than being normal, but
it's well worth it in the end-Pixel-
- I'm old enough to do all the things I wanted to as a
kid, and still young enough to want to do them. I'm not
foolish or irresponsible, but I'm bound and determined
to enjoy my freedom as long as I can.-Banshee-
- I can only make one person happy each day. Today
isn't your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
- The Blues Brothers, the original Men In Black
- Nothing improves your driving like having a police
car following you.
- I'm not schizophrenic, the voices told me so
- Thou can doest anything thou wilt at Aleister's
Restaurant.
- I almost has a psychic girlfriend. But she left me
before we met.
- I'm not paranoid. Which of my enemies told you
that?-rainman-
- So maybe I am having a little trouble, but
when I hold the avacado it understands me-radio ad-
- Oops. Now there's rootbeer in my Kiwi.-GP-
- It's not like the good old days when we had a bottle
of liquid LSD in the fridge-Rivka-
- People who are incapable of making decisions are the
ones that hit those barrels at freeway exits.
- Navigating through crises like a drunk on a unicycle
-rainman-
- I have weird friends, I know this, that's why they're
my friends-Pixel-
- for me, love is knowing that there will always be
times when you'll make mistakes or need to lean on the
other person, when the other person will give you slack.
and in return, you do all the little kindnesses you can
think of--in advance of, during, or after the times
when you're taking more than you're giving-Rose Platt-
- If there is to be any fussing around here, I'm going
to do it!-Kate-
- so it's spagetti with nothing in it except a vague
discorporeal negitive aura of Spam?-Pixel-
- i do what my laptop tells me-Rose-
- Repeal Inhibition!
- Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today
- Beaker and Kenny: separated at birth?
- ...the voices in my head tell me that's my time...but
thank you all, you've been a wonderful audience! We
thank you!-Killj0y-
- Never meddle in the affairs of Druids! It makes them
soggy and hard to light!
- Your better off learning to laugh then to cry,
because often those are your only two options.
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- Shared pain is lessened, Shared joy is increased.
Shared memory is corrupted, reboot.
- clones are people two
- Even more allergic to death...
I break out in rigor mortis.-Geoff-
- Hm. My last comment looks suspiciously like dreck.
-DrKatz-
- If organized religion is the Opium of the masses,
then dis-organized religion is the marijuana of the
lunatic fringe...
-Kerry Thornley, Discordian Society Co-founder-
- Save the baby sodas, ban clubbing!-Pixel-
- Sad how whole families are torn apart by simple
things,like wild dogs.
- When I watch TV and see those poor, starving kids all
over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies
and death and stuff. -Mariah Carey-
- LuckRaven's Motto: It's My Body, I'll Make It All
Tense And Jittery If I Want.
- LuckRaven's _Other_ Motto: If we're not supposed to
eat cows, why are they made of meat?
- The citizens of Middleton were terrorized by a
teething ring-GreyMan-
- Excuse me, Chief, my shoe is ringing.
- Arsonists of the world; ignite!
- I'm already wary of penguins.-Crossfire-
- The moving finger writes, and having writ, backspaces
a bit, deletes the last word and replaces it with
"unctuous", reformats the paragraph, adjusts the font
size, and adds a gigantic sig of a sleeping pussy cat
and a quote from a poem.-Omar Khayyam, on USENET.-
- My other breadbox is a bit smaller.(seen on a Yugo)
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere
may be happy.
- When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was
an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said,
"Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of
the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
-Quentin Crisp-
- May the forces of evil become confused on the way to
your house.-George Carlin-
- The other night, I was laying in my bed, looking up
at the stars, when I wondered... 'Where the *fuck*
is my roof?!'
- Condense soup, not books!
- Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university
stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle
enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could
have been prevented by a good teacher.
-Flannery O'Connor-
- Given a choice between two theories, take the one
which is funnier.-Blore's Razor-
- I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
*************************************
Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she
wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding
all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would
he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to
the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out
and shot.
*************************************
- No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's
too much fraternizing with the enemy.-Henry Kissinger-
- You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
-Arlo Guthrie-
- Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands,
kill their children, practice witccraft, destroy
capitalism and become lesbians.-Rev. Pat Robertson-
- The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address
is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration
of Independence, but government regulations on the sale
of cabbage total 26,911 words.-National Review-
- Baldric, you wouldn't know a subtle plan if it painted
itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord,
singing 'Subtle Plans Are Here Again.'-Blackadder-
- A one question geek test. If you think it's funny,
you're a geek. Seen on a California liscense plate on
a VW Beetle: "Feature"-Joshua D. Wachs-
- Hey, my temper is not "ill." It's as healthy as a
mule.-Christine Schoole-
- Every five years or so I look back on my life and I
have a good laugh.-Indigo Girls-
- Oh, sure. Blame the universe for your inconsistencies.
The universe has enough inconsistencies of its own,
without being held responsible for yours, too.
-Shirley Monroe-
- "Why does my mouth always taste like dead carpet
in the morning?" -Ivanova-
"Unknown. Checking medical logs."-computer-
- A train station is where the trains stop.
A bus station is where the buses stop.
And on my desk, there is a workstation...
- Just saying no prevents teenage pregnancy the way
'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression.
-Faye Wattleton-
- If you can't laugh in bed, there's something wrong
with who you're in bed with.-Thetis-
- Always love your enemies--nothing annoys them so much.
-Oscar Wilde-
- It's an old magical principle -- it's even filtered
down into RPG systems -- that magic, while taking a lot
of effort, can be 'stored' -- in a staff, for example.
No doubt a wizard spends a little time each day
charging up his staff, although you go blind if you
do it too much, of course.-Terry Pratchett-
- I try to make computers say things like "You have 60
seconds to achieve safe distance"-Terry Pratchett-
- Baby orang-otans look like surprised coconuts.
-Terry Pratchett-
- Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like
a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects
of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're
being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large
animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst
of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr.
(Why humans like cats)-Terry Pratchett-
- Bug Eyed Punster
- Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said,
"I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things
when I squeeze 'em!"?-Calvin-
- Don't ring for death. Knock on his door and run,
He hates that.
- If you're not part of the solution,
then you're part of the precipitate.
- The philosophy exam was a piece of cake - which
was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was
expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
- A smile confuses an approaching frown.
- Why can you only have two doors on a chicken coop?
If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.
- Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
-Garbage Truck, Cambridge MA-
- It has recently been discovered that research causes
cancer in rats.
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or
no influence on society.
- Always behave like a duck -- keep calm and
unruffled on the surface but paddle like the
devil underneath.-Jacob Braude-
- Don't tell your friends about your indegestion.
"How are you." is a greeting, not a question.
-Arthur Guiterman-
- When a man tells you what people are saying about
you, tell him what people are saying about him; that
will immediately take his mind off your troubles.
-E. W. Howe-
- Whatever you are, be a good one.-Abraham Lincoln-
- Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell
'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find
out how to do it.-Theodore Roosevelt-
- If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton you
might as well make it dance.-George Bernard Shaw-
- When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain-
- The best way to chear yourself up is to try to
cheer somebody else up.-Mark Twain-
- Regard it as just as desirable to build a chicken
house as to build a cathedral. The size of the
project means little in art, beyond the money matter.
It is the quality of the character that really counts.
-Frank Loyd Wright-
- Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities:
the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't
take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates....
-Dr. A. Lawrence Lowell-
- Either the wallpaper goes or I do.
-Oscar Wilde's last words-
- The cunning vampire paralyzes its victims with
tedious wordplay before striking...-Brigand-
- Kiss me twice, I'm a Gemini -LeBleu-
- I Read Banned Books.
- time flies when you're in purgatory-Killj0y-
- Elder Gods, Schmelder Gods. What a bunch of malarky.
Hastur, Hastur, Hastur. See, nothing ha--
- Reality? Yeah, I've played that game. The plot
*sucks*, but the graphics are awesome!
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am
a vegetarian because I hate plants.-A. Whitney Brown-
- First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we
found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII,
and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered
graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the
World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure
-Douglas Adams-
- Four out of five people hate being surveyed.
- The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9
out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is
an idiot-Jay Leno-
- I am Marxist with a Groucho tendency.
-Sorbonne grafitti-
- A man said to the universe: "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the universe, "The fact has not
created in me A sense of obligation."-Stephen Crane-
- Life is short. Play lots.-M'jit-
- A competent and self-confident person is incapable
of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a
symptom of neurotic insecurity.-Lazarus Long-
- Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot
at tax collectors -- and miss.-Lazarus Long-
- "Free the Bound Periodicals!!!!"-seen in a library-
- if you're going to be ambiguous, do it definitively
- this channel is a thesis waiting to happen
-pharcyde, regarding #callahans-
- "It adds nothing to my satisfaction to know that
another man has been disappointed."-A. Lincoln-
"Depends on which man."-Mary Ann Martinsek Dimand-
- Hah! Pixel, I am imuune to your....to your....
damn, you're cute....-WareWolf, caught by doe-eyes-
- For an unstable personality, I'm some of the most
stable people I know. -rainman-
- Conga Rats! (dah dah dah dah dah *squeek*
dah dah dah dah dah *squeek*) -James-
- RCF 2324 HTCTP Hyper Text Coffee Transfer Protocol.
Where the <JAVA> tag really means something
-SHiP and DMM-
- We talk a lot around here
-KungFuTze, regarding #callahans-
- Forsooth, I was but feigning rest! Everybody
knows I don't get rest...-Killj0y-
- War is fundamentally an interactive social process.
*_Warfighting_, a U. S. Marine Corp doctrine manual*
- If you're going to go bonkers, this is the best
place to do it...-Pixel, on #callahans-
- I drive a mussel car - the engine has dual
overhead clams.
- That was awe inspiring. Pointless, but
awe-inspiring.-The Fourth Doctor-
- So...let me get this straight...instead of taking
one second to say "no thanks" and hang up, you would
rather spend a chunk of your precious time striking
a blow for your...right not to have your time wasted?
Good logic. -Treehead, re: dealing with telemarkers-
- Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden
danger; the child will turn instinctively for more
assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission,
the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic
resistance. -H. H. Munro-
- It is by Caffine alone I set my Mind in motion
It is by the Beans of Java Thoughts aquire Speed
The Hands aquire Shakes
The Shakes become a Warning
It is by Caffine alone I set my Mind in motion
- A little nonsense now and then is relished by the
wisest men.-Willy Wonka-
- The reason that people from New York are so
chronically depressed is that the light at the end of
the Tunnel is New Jersey.-Qambing-
- American Surrealists Society: Better Living
Through Purple Fish Engine
- What, you were expecting a waffle iron?-Sir_Gesi-
- Single stage surface to orbit rockets, just like
god and Robert A Heinlein meant them to be
- I know that there is a world outside. People put
pictures of it on the internet.
- No, love is not a twinkie.-OtherChef-
- Cats Humour Us Because They Know That Their
Ancestors Ate Ours
- The Cat Philosophy of Life: If you can't Eat it
or Shred It, then Sleep on it.
- Cats keep their claws sharp because they know
that just a purr may not be enough.
- Dragons Rescued, Virgins Slain, no job to easy,
no fee to large
- Death Before Dishonor. Nothing Before Coffee
- Bad Command. Bad, BAD Command. Sit! Stay.
- Civil Disobedience. It's not just for
revolutionaries anymore!
- Some Days, The Most Interesting Thing On The
TV Is A Sleeping Cat!
- Cute rots the brain
- That which does not kill me had better be able
to run away damn fast.
- Yes, I know it's bad for me but nagging me
about it might be bad for you.
- Help! We are lost, crazed and starving and without
any good books as well.
- I am Dyslexic of Borg. Resemblance is fertile.
Your ass will be laminated.
- Eat hot flaming barcode, capitalist swine!-Hrafn-
- They've been shooting themselves in the foot for
so long they're up to mid-thigh by now
-Ryland, about Apple-
- the modern definition of evil lies somewhere
between unenlightened self-interest and 100%
calories from fat
- Sometimes, you're not just out of left field,
you're coming in all the way from outer space.
- I didn't know eyebrows could wiggle like
that...-Dr. Dee-
- if you're going to give someone a piece of your
mind, make sure you can get by with what's left
- Had my first shot of tokillya on Tuesday.
"Tequila, this is Kirsten. Kirsten, this is the
floor." WHAM. -KiriB-
- think how stupid the average person is....
then realize that half the people are dumber
than that! -Zordok-
- Road rage is a nice term for "immature."
- Resist novocaine! Transcend dental
medication!-Jeff Nonken-
- Black leather wins out over religious
indignation anytime...-Rivka-
- In Callahans lag is state of mind -Earthwind-
- We shall muddle through!
- Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits
are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow
horns to break up traffic jams.-Mary Ellen Kelly-
- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
because they *ribbit*
- Who has a hangover, and why wasn't I
invited?-Beki-
- No poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his
country. He won it by making other bastards die
for their country.-George Smith Patton-
- Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants
with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect,
awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of
mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least
expect it.-spaf-
- "He's got a knife!"
"Of course he's got a knife. You've got a knife.
I've got a knife. We've all got knives! It's
1183 and we're barbarians!"
-Prince John and Eleanor of Aquitaine-
- I regret to say we of the FBI are powerless to
act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it
has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
-J. Edgar Hoover-
- I'm sure as hell not going to go softly into
anyone's damned good night!-Audre Lorde-
- "It's vile!"
"I know, it's so bubbly, and cloying... and happy."
"Just like the Federation."-DS9-
- If you're up against someone more intelligent
than you are, do something totally insane and
let him think himself to death.-Pyanfar Chanur-
- And a small consolation. An article I read
last year pointed out that one of the telltale
differences between indigenous populations and, for
lack of a better term, bourgeois populations is that
indigenous populations have crazy people living in
their midst, and that bourgeois populations don't,
either locking them up, excluding them, or killing
them. So, just realize that you're an indigenous
Internetter and get on with your life.-Eric Hughes-
- Curiosity is the lust of the mind.-Thomas Hobbes-
- As long as the unread stack stays at under 100
books it can't be considered stockpiling.-Miriam Nadel-
- the human spirit is a hard thing to kill,
even with a chainsaw.
- Don't try this at home, we're PROFESSIONAL idiots!
- give a man a fire and he's warm for a day; set him
on fire and he's warm for the rest of his
life-klatchian proverb-
- I challenge people to come up with a "non-religious
proof" that abortion is "wrong"-John Palmer-
- The only normal people are the ones you don't know
very well.-Joe Ancis-
- He who hesitates is probably smart...
or maybe stapled to the floor-Dr.Squid-
- In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is
king... and the one-eyed man with the high heels
and the feather boa is queen-Dr. Squid-
- I have never made but one prayer to God, a very
short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous."
And God granted it.-Voltaire-
- If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no
personality whatsoever.
- Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
- ...for more insinuation, send a super stressed
stomped antelope to...
- I'd rather die while I'm living than live while
I'm dead.-Jimmy Buffett-
- Attack life, it's going to kill you
anyway.-Steven Coallier-
- I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business
of having to stay dead that scares the shit
out of me.-R. Geis-
- Drive slow and enjoy the scenery -- drive fast
and join the scenery-Doug Horton-
- A child is a person who can't understand
why someone would give away a perfectly good
kitten.-Doug Larson-
- The Wrong Crowd: We're the ones your mother
warned you about
- To a Cat, "NO!" means "Not while I'm looking".
- I don't /have/ estrogen, *I* don't know
-Briathian-
- We are the Astral Police - to Serve and Project
-Briathian-
- Shag Pile Carpets! Shag Pile Carpets! Who
thought up Shag Pile Carpets?! What's next?
Bonking rugs? fornicating placemats? I want
to know!-Trevor Nettleford-
- It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile,
and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
- I like toast. It's the muffins that must
be stopped-Ajax "Duckman"-
- Get out of your brain, the calls are coming
from inside the cerebellum!!-Pixel & Rivka-
- That interesting state where one can suddenly
realize that all of one's lovers not only know
each other, but have been discussing the quality
of one's buttocks between themselves when one
is not present.-Aahz Maruch on polyamory-
- SUVs are Monster Trucks for Yuppies. All
they've done is traded the gun rack for a
cell phone. -RJ-
- Oh there's my heterosexuality, it was under
the couch cushions this whole time
- I'm the dread Pirate Robert #13. Ask me about
franchise opportunities in your area.-Briathian-
- All generalizations are false
- Help, I've fallen and I can't....
Hey, nice carpet!
- If you don't like the news, go out and
make some of your own.
- On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers.