- Braise the Lord.  Bake for 45 minutes at 350 deg.
- Jesus saves.  Passes to Moses on the breakaway, 
Moses shoots, HE SCORES!!!!!
- Jesus saves.  Moses invests
- Living on the edge and swinging from the tassels.
- We have gone from "Lean and Mean" to "Anorexic and 
Psychotic"
- Amaze and delight me!
- I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore!
- Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go 
right on talking when you are interrupting
- You are here.  (assuming some smart aleck hasn't 
moved the sign)
- Some people buy toys for children.  I feel it's 
cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman 
and buy toys for myself
- Imagination is our only weapon in the war against 
reality
- There is no hope for a civilization which starts 
each day to the sound of an alarm clock
- You are wise, witty and wonderful - but you spend too 
much time reading T-shirts
- Due to the current economic situation, management has 
decided that the light at the end of the tunnel will be 
switched off until further notice
- Gene Police - YOU!!! out of the pool
- They say "The wages of Sin are Death" but after they 
deduct taxes, all that is left is a tired feeling
- God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I 
cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, 
and the firepower to make the difference
- NOTHING: often a good thing to do, always a clever 
thing to say
- "Things will get worse before they get better."  
(Who said things will get better?)
- A desk is a wastebasket with drawers
- What is the point of being fascinatingly crazy if you 
don't enrich the world with it?
- An elephant is a mouse build to government 
specifications
- I've had fun before.  This isn't it!
- The trouble with resisting temptation is it may not 
pass your way again
- We must go Metric every inch of the way
- I'm not breaking the rules; I'm just testing their 
elasticity
- "Not a morning person" does not even BEGIN to cover it
- When faced with a problem, just think "How would Bugs 
Bunny handle this?"
- A human is the only low-cost 150-pound, nonlinear, all
purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by 
unskilled labour
- Happiness is Earth in your rearview mirror
- Support your local Medical Examiner - Die strangely
- I don't mind being in touch with reality as long as I
 don't have to live there
- I am very interested in the future because I will 
spend the rest of my life there!
- Poor planning on your part does not necessarily 
constitute an emergency on my part
- Do it now.  There may be a law against it tomorrow
- Question Authority.  Ask me anything
- If Murphy's Law were true, every time you drew a 
breath, all the oxygen molecules would be on the other 
side of the room
- In this government department you are not just a 
number to us.  (You are three numbers, a dash, three 
more numbers, another dash, and another three numbers)
- You can definitely make mistakes; but you can't make 
mistakes indefinitely
- Good judgment comes from experience; Experience comes 
from bad judgment
- Women shouldn't be in combat because with the 
development of In Vitro fertilization, war is the only 
job security men have left
- There can't be a crisis this week - My schedule is 
already full
- An optimist goes to the window every morning and says 
"Good Morning, God". A pessimist goes to the window and 
says "Good God!  Morning"
- Get thee down.  Be thou funky
- Attention: Until further notice 2 + 2 = 5 - Please 
adjust your reality accordingly
- Where am I going and what am I doing in this hand 
basket?
- What this country needs is more unemployed politicians
- Some live life in the fast lane. I live life in 
oncoming traffic
- When choosing between two evils, I like to take the 
one I haven't tried before
- Red meat isn't bad for you.  Fuzzy blue-green meat is 
bad for you
- The meek are getting ready
- Even if I'm not asleep, that doesn't mean I'm awake!
- Slit your wrists - It will lower your blood pressure
- Sleep is an inadequate substitute for caffeine
- You wouldn't be so worried about what people think of 
you if you knew how seldom they actually do
- This is obviously a case of too many scientists, not 
enough hunchbacks
- What part of "NO" didn't you understand?
- Inflation hasn't ruined everything: a dime can still 
be used as a screwdriver
- I'm out of bed and dressed.  What more do you want?
- If they give you lined paper, write the other way!
- You must expect the unexpected, 
but you can't rely on it
- If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as 
well dance
- All things considered, insanity may be the only 
reasonable alternative
- Think "honk" if you are a telepath
- Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 
1990-1951
- While you were reading my T-shirt, my friend was 
picking your pocket
- With cloning, you can twin them all
- What colour is a chameleon on a mirror?
- I'm GREAT at immaturity - I've been practicing for 
decades
- If you are not living on the edge you are taking up 
too much space.
- Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to
 have for dinner
- Beam me up Scotty.  It ate my phaser!
- The two most common elements in the universe are 
hydrogen and stupidity
- The only person to ever get all his work done by 
Friday was Robinson Crusoe
- "The early bird gets the worm" - I prefer to sleep 
late and get waffles!
- Life is a sexually transmitted disease
- Lead us not into temptation - Just point out the 
general direction and we'll find it ourselves
- If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not 
science; it is an opinion
- Some days calling ourselves "Homo Sapiens" seem the 
height of arrogance
- Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed
- Reality is O.K.  Just don't make a habit of it
- There is more to life than Science Fiction - But not 
much more
- If at first you don't succeed, change the rules
- No man is an island as long as he is on at least one 
mailing list
- Sometimes, I feel like a figment of my own imagination
- The worst thing about censorship is <snip>
- I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore
- A seminar on time travel will be held three weeks ago
- Next time you fly, remember: All the parts of the 
airplane were supplied by the lowest bidder
- A bikini is like a barbed wire fence: it protects the 
property without obscuring the view
- There is too much apathy in the world.  But who cares?
- Any time, any place, our snipers can drop you. Have a 
nice day
- Why is it that people who say "It goes without saying"
never go without saying it?
- End rush hour traffic!  Legalize vehicular weaponry
- Nobody notices when things go right!
- Help!! The paranoids are out to get me!
- Many people who want to travel and see the world never
actually step outside their own heads
- Don't blame me!  I didn't vote for him!!
- Promises are like babies: 
fun to make but hell to deliver
- The most difficult thing in the world is to know how 
to do something and to watch someone else doing it 
wrong without commenting
- Apartment Laws:  Your upstairs neighbors dance; Your 
downstairs neighbors hit the roof, and your next-door 
neighbors play handball
- There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in 
action
- Talk is cheap because supply far exceeds demand
- Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny
- Always place your clothes and weapons where you can 
find them in the dark
- Extremists and fanatics are always found on the side 
I'm not on
- Confidence is what you feel when you don't really 
understand the situation
- I accept that life is unfair.  But why is it never 
unfair in my favor?
- A person can live for a few minutes without air, 
without water for about two weeks, without food for 
about two months and without a new idea for years on end
- The best way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be 
to let the government run it
- Success is biting off more than you can chew.  Then 
chewing it
- Don't take life so seriously.  Very few get out of it 
alive
- Television lets you be entertained in your own living 
room by people you would never let into your house
- As long as you can laugh at yourself you will never 
cease to be amused
- Monday is a horrid way to spend one seventh of your 
life
- Everything in excess!- To enjoy life take big bites - 
Moderation is for monks
- The secret of a long life is not to do anything the 
shorten it!
- Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.  
That way if you like it, you can do it again tomorrow
- Reality is the crutch for those people who can't 
handle Science Fiction
- Crutches are the reality for those people who can't 
handle street gangs
- There are many things more important than money.  
But, it takes money to buy them
- I can answer any question.  (Often the answer is 
"I don't know")
- You can have it perfect OR you can have it Tuesday
- The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble 
often shoots back!
- Support Free Trade: Smuggle
- It is never too late to have a happy childhood
- Those proud of keeping a neat desk never know the 
thrill of finding something they had irretrievably lost
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys
- Death is a once in a lifetime experience
- I know life isn't fair.  I just wish it wouldn't 
cheat so much
- A person can stand anything except an endless 
succession of ordinary days
- Money is only something you need in case you don't 
die tomorrow
- The secret of happiness is to find an age you like and 
stick to it
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is 
the size
- I started with nothing and still have most of it
- I don't need an excuse unless I lose or get caught
- Why is there so much month left at the end of the 
money?
- Simple style is like white light - It is complex, 
but its complexity is not obvious
- Universe: Contents sold by weight.  Some expansion 
may occur during shipping
- The meek shall inherit the Earth.  The rest of us are 
going to the stars
- Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered
a capital crime. For the first offense.
- "Good" and "Morning" are mutually exclusive terms
- Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are 
gathering
- I have a mind like a steel trap: everything that goes 
in gets crushed and mangled
- Money Talks.  The last thing I heard it say was 
"good-bye"
- The most dangerous thing in the world is to leap a 
chasm in two jumps
- Time is natures way of keeping everything from 
happening at once.  Lately, it hasn't been working.
- Start each work week with a goal clearly in mind: 
The weekend
- I'm not afraid of the dark...It's the stuff IN the 
dark I'm afraid of!
- A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always 
count on Paul's vote
- Please solve your problems in advance, so that we may 
better help you.
- If the sexes are equal, why is it that "Diamonds are a 
girl's best friend" but "Man's best friend is his dog"?
- When all is said and done, 
a lot more is said than done
- People can be divided into three groups; those who 
make things happen; those who watch things happen; and 
those who wonder what happened
- We have only two things to worry about: Either things 
will never get back to normal, or that they already have
- A welfare state is one that assumes responsibility for
the health, happiness and well-being of all citizens, 
except the taxpayers
- Television must be a medium - it definitely is neither
rare or well-done
- The amount of sleep required by the average person is 
10 minutes more
- Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the better
defense
- Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you to shoot at 
tax collectors - And miss! -L. Long-
- No one's life, liberty or property is safe while the 
legislature is in session
- Yes, I missed you.  But my aim is improving!
- Save your money - some day it may be worth something
- The person who invented the eraser had the human race 
pretty well sized up
- WARNING!  My reality check bounced!
- Tell people there are 30 billion stars and they will 
believe you.  Tell them there is wet paint on the chair
and they will feel it to see.
- The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with truths for
which Archimedes would have sacrificed his life.
- Today started well enough.  Then I had to get out of 
bed
- I won't ever grow up.  My biological clock has a 
snooze button
- Never give in to peer pressure (Unless everyone 
expects you to)
- This is all a nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon. 
Right?
- Government always plays both ends against the taxpayer
- Too many decisions are measured with a micrometer, 
marked with chalk, and cut with an ax
- It is impossible to make things foolproof because 
fools are so ingenious
- There are very few personal problems which cannot be 
solved through the suitable application of high 
explosives
- Around here we do precision guesswork!
- Do not think of it as being outnumbered.  Think of it 
as having a target rich environment
- Do  not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you 
are crunchy and good to eat
- Do  not meddle in the affairs of wizards - for they 
are subtle and quick to anger
- Do  not meddle in the affairs of cats - for they are 
subtle and will piss on your computer
- Sex is like money: everyone thinks there is more of 
it around than there really is, and that everyone else 
is getting a bigger share
- There comes a time in every project to shoot the 
engineers and put the damned thing into production
- Of course you can't fly to the moon by simply 
flapping your arms.  After a while your arms get tired 
and there is no place to rest along the way
- I just hope God does not get bored of dreaming me.
- If there is anything in the universe more important 
than my ego, I want it taken out and shot immediately  
	-Zaphod Bebelbrox-
- I think; therefore I am... I think
- Keeping a clean house is like stringing beads with no 
knot at the other end of the thread
- But I don't have an "Any Key" on my computer
- People are more violently opposed to fur than leather 
because it is safer to harass rich women than 
motorcycle gangs
- Cats are smarter than dogs:  You can't teach eight 
cats to pull a sled
- If computers get too powerful, we can organize them 
into committees. That'll do them in!
- Progress, at best, consists of replacing errors with 
more subtle errors
- Don't look back - something might be gaining on you
- "You Don't Know Me" (In big bold letters)  
Federal Witness Protection Program 
(In much smaller lettering underneath)
- I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
- I worry about anyone under eighteen who isn't a cynic 
-- and anyone over eighteen who is.
- "Khat's cosmology is very simple:  God is a cat, the 
devil is a dog, and humans are handy to have around 
because we have opposing thumbs and money to buy chicken
livers." - Susan Wittig Albert
- "Life's too short to waste time trying to please every
meddlesome moron who's got an idea how I ought to be!" 
		-Calvin-
- That's how freedom will end: not with a bang, but 
with a rustle of file folders.  If you love any of your 
rights, defend all of them!
- Where did bigots get the idea that God is as 
small-minded as they are? -Wolfman Jack-
- I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in my 
sleep.  Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
- Patience is a virtue best practiced by others.
- Software isn't released - It manages to escape
- Murder is a crime, but depicting it is not.  Sex is 
not a crime, but depicting it is.
- I have a mind like a steel sieve
- Dogs come when called.  Cats take a message and may 
get back to you
- Cats rule, dogs drool!
- If "Pro" is the opposite of "Con", then what is the 
opposite of "Progress"?
- Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell?
- Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just 
on the surface.
- Prejudiced people are all alike.
- What is the probability that something will happen 
according to the odds?
- Those who judge others will burn in Hell!
- Exageration is not all it's cracked up to be.
- Evil is not all bad.
- I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
- There's no such thing as nonexistance.
- Exageration is a billion times worse than 
understatement.
- Death to all fanatics!
- If you believe in telekenesis, raise my hand.
- If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
- I always wanted to be a procrastinator!
- Rehab is for quitters!
- My identity lies in not knowing who I am
- I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make 
me paranoid
- Free advice is worth what you paid for it
- Oh dear, I think reality is on the blink again. 
	-Marvin-
- Santa scrambled is Satan.  Coincidence?  I think not!
- Some days I think I'm a wheel short of a unicycle.
- The way some people find fault - you'd think there was
 a reward.
- THINK! or THWIM!
- I think I will plan on being spontaneous tomorrow.
- Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with The Simpsons.
- The three little sentences that will get you through 
life:
     1. Cover for me.
     2. Oh, good idea, Boss!
     3. It was like that when I got here.
- I went insane trying to take a close-up picture of 
the horizon.
- Real fun is bungie jumping off the edge of insanity!
- GYPSY DWARF ESCAPES JAIL: Small Medium at Large...
- Adventure (n.):  The land between entertainment and 
panic
- He who lives by the sword dies by the crossbow bolt.
- Exactly what is a "pantheon" and why is it mad at me?
- Black holes are where God did nothing, in a *big* way!
- Get thee behind me Satan!  You push and I'll steer...
- Oh Lord, if there is a Lord, save my soul, if I have a 
soul.
- Trust in God, but row away from the rocks.
		-Greek Proverb-
- Don't mince words.  Process them, instead.
- Life:  That annoying time between naps.
- Yes, I am paranoid.  But, am I paranoid enough?
- I am immortal.  So far, anyway.
- All I want in life is a chance to prove that money can
't make me happy.
- He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the 
vices I admire.--Winston Churchill
-*******************************************************
- I predict, sir, that you will die either by hanging or
 of some vile disease.               --Gladstone
  That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your 
principles or your mistress.     -- Disraeli
-*******************************************************
	First they came for the hackers.
But I never did anything illegal with my computer,
		so I didn't speak up.
	Then they came for the pornographers.
But I thought there was too much smut on the Internet anyway,
		so I didn't speak up.
	Then they came for the anonymous remailers.
But a lot of nasty stuff gets sent from anon.penet.fi,
		so I didn't speak up.
	Then they came for the encryption users.
But I could never figure out how to work PGP anyway,
		so I didn't speak up.
		Then they came for me.
And by that time there was no one left to speak up.
******************************************************
- Be proud of those who are willing to give their life 
for their country. Be afraid of those who WANT to!
- Evolution doesn't take prisoners:
- You are a total, total, ... a word has yet to be 
invented to describe how totally whatever it is you are, 
but you are one, and a total, total one at 
that!
- A great many people think they are thinking when they 
are merely rearranging their prejudices.
- Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who 
have had years and years of training can, using only 
their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in 
the history of the world.
- Applying computer technology is simply finding the 
right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
- Of course everything has already been said. But since 
no one was paying attention, we must begin again.
- Maybe Computer Science should be taught in the 
College of Theology.
- "Live Long and Prosper"  - Vulcan proverb
  "And Eat Well"   - Jewish addendum to Vulcan proverb
  "Feast On Your Enemies!" - Klingon interpertation of
 Jewish addendum to Vulcan proverb
-I either want less corruption or more of a chance to 
participate.
- DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality.
- INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY:Interactive Network For 
Organizing, Retrieving, Manipulating, Accessing, and 
Transferring Information On National Systems, Unleashing
Practically Every Rebellious Human Intelligence, 
Gratifying Hackers, Wiseasses, And Yahoos. -anon.-
- In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
- And whether you can hear it or not, the Universe is 
laughing behind your back.
- Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
- Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you 
recognize a mistake when you make it again.- F. P. Jones
- When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy 
unir cevinpl.
- There's so much comedy on television.  Does that 
cause comedy in the streets?
- The graduate with a Science degree asks, 
	"Why does it work?"
     The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, 
	"How does it work?"
     The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, 
	"How much will it cost?"
     The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, 
	"Do you want fries with that?"
- Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
- The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts 
of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, 
among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the 
"Four F's": 1. fighting;  2. fleeing; 3. feeding; and  
4.mating.  -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology
 intro course
- The trick is to get a strong grip on reality - AND 
THEN CHOKE IT TO DEATH.
- My definition of a free society is a society where it 
is safe to be unpopular." -Adlai Stevenson-
- Are we having fun yet?
- Managing programmers is like herding cats
- Program: a magic spell cast over a computer allowing 
it to turn one's input into error messages
- The art of progress is to preserve order amid change 
and to preserve change amid order
- Once is chance, twice is coincidence, three times is 
enemy action
-"A reverence for life does not require a man to 
respect Nature's obvious mistakes." - Robert Heinlein
- Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is 
an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, 
universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally 
concerned about my sex life.
 -Insanity is part of the times.  You must learn to 
embrace  the madness and let it fire you.-Londo Mollari-
- Final proof that dolphins are more intelligent than 
humans:  Not one dolphin has, as of yet, upgraded to 
Windows '95.
- "Those who live in the past rob the present. Those 
who ignore the past rob the future." - Master Po
- Remember the famous quote from a writer to a sniping 
critic: "Where were you when the page was blank?"
- Today is a gift, that's why it's called the PRESENT
- Love wouldn't be blind if the Braille weren't so 
damned much fun.
- With friends like these, who needs to hallucinate?
- Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, 
is no basis for asystem of government!
- I'd rather be hunted as a wolf than slaughtered like 
a sheep...
- Thesaurus: an ancient reptile with an excellent 
vocabulary.
- I have abandoned my search for truth and now I'm 
looking for a good fantasy.
- All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who 
wander are lost
- What I want to know is, why won't someone pay me to 
stay home and watch my kitten?
- God has angels to help with her work, The devil has 
politicians
- I Love My Job, I Love My Job (Now will you please 
release my family?)
- Christmas!!! I'm not even ready for Halloween!
- Common sense is so rare it is often mistaken for 
genius.
- Any fool can learn for experience.  A wise person 
learns from the experience of others.
- Somedays it is hard to remember which side of the 
Looking-Glass you are on.
- I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to
- There are two important things to remember about 
surrealism.  Frogs,  powertools and the Lincoln memorial.
- Bad cop, No Donut
- Please don't be PERKY
- Oh, EVOLVE!
- I live in another dimension, but I have a summer home
 in reality
- Everyone is watching you stare at my chest.
- Sure you can trust the government, go ask a whale or 
an indian
- Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.
- Screw presidents! Let's have a high priestess for a 
change
- Prozac: because some days you feel like a nut, some 
days you don't
- Mentaly confused and prone to wandering
- My convictions are not for public display 
- Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
- All stressed out, and noone to choke
- Closet sinner
- Due to intense mind fog, all thoughts have been 
grounded
- Experence is what you get when you didn't get what 
you want.
- Hi, I don't remember your name either
- I have the body of a god: Buddha
- It's been lovely but I have to scream now.
- Sin Boldly
- Reality is when it happens to you.
- Not a morning person doesn't even begin to cover it
- When I get some money I buy books.  If I have any 
left, I buy food and clothes
- Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
- Uh, oh. This isn't good. I've seen good before, and 
this isn't it. -Tom Servo
- the best revenge is revenge.
- I never want to be the windshield, but I'm really 
tired of being the bug.
- Having an out-of-body experience ... back in 5
- to cats, people are just furniture that does tricks.