UNRWARP.FLK 11-28-94 UNREALITY WARP BY CLIFF FLINT TUNE: Talking Blues(C to F to G7) Well, Now, Strange things happen between the ports But by and large, by all reports The strangest thing is if you get cort, In an Unreality Warp. For you never know where you'll be thrown, A fiery sun, or ancient Rome Now, we were pulled from our friendly skies And we were thrust into... Sigh Fi. Brave New Worlds, New Life, and new Civilizations Amazing... Fantastic... Analog. Now, we were cruising through unfamiliar space When a strange look came to the First Mate's Face And he said, "Cap'n, Cap'n Jed, The little star up there ahead. It's not too bright, and it's kind of red... It's dim, Jed "We spaced him. Wouldn't you? But, we cruised on 'round to that little star' Cause it really wasn't that very far Landed on the planet of that little sun, Found out it had a Companion Little white dwarf circling the red one. Left our shadows red and long The Second Mate, he burst into song! He sang,"I'm Being followed by Maroon Shadows, Maroon Shadows, Maroon Shadows. "We left him. We marooned him. Seems he wasn't into Sci Fi, He was into Space Opera. Yes, we left that planet that we'd found The Mate's caterwauling weren't the only sound It was filled with the cacaphnious Robots. Aye, Robots, Running around making a Helluva racket. What wasn't filled with robots was filled with debris And the Rust of the Robots. Five minutes on that din Planet would drive you Berserker Whole Place was filled with the sound of Cylons. We figured Cylons was Golden, so we up and left Took a cute little purple flower with us though It whistles, And we call it a piper violet. Yes, We left that world, made our escape The next world we hit, it was filled with Apes We sent the Third Mate out to scout And he found he was being followed about He came back to the Ship a-singing "I'm being followed by Baboon Shadows, Baboon Shadows, Baboon Shadows. "We went ape We told him to quit monkeying around And get back on board the vessel He obeyed the great apes instead, 'Cause they said"Take 2 giant steps backward, Simian Says. "But he's settled down there now Found the gorilla of his dreams United the tribes and wrote them their own national Anthem The Tarzan Tribes Forever. Well, by now we were getting short on crew So we decided to land and pick up a few We were looking for a populous place to land We found a world that was covered in sand We knew it was inhabited, it was a raucous planet But the natives said it hadn't always been that way They told us stories Harkonen back to the early days When all you had to do was sit around And watch the sand worm into everything But then there were children, It was a mess I assure you But we picked up some new crew members. The planet had a hot sun We had to orbit in the planets shadow, And one of the crewmen, He started singing, he sang"I see a Bad Dune Rising, I see trouble on the way. I see Di Laurentis in production, I think that I will stay away. " We were Apalled. I tried to stop him... Well, we found a world shaped like a ring, We never thought we'd see such a thing We circled round, getting ready to land And we got grabbed by a giant hand! Strange Little Planet, weird little world It had an inteligent life form that was a Giant Dirigible. Cruious Critters they followed us all about And the Fourth Mate, He began to Sing, he sang "I'm being followed by Bal... "We stopped him, we said we'd had enough But then he met the Humanoid on the Planet And the going really got Rocky He fell in love, Hopelessly and terribly It was the worst case of heroine Addiction I'd ever seen Then he found out she had a dozen sisters, Each Identical And he ran amok, Mowing them down like waves of wheat All the time singing, "John Varley's Clones Must Die"(Ten thousand years of Irish history Shot to hell) The planet tried him, convicted him, Sentenced him to death on the Ophiuchi Hot Seat. Well, on a world where they wore green and black We landed our ship, they were taken aback' Cause we settled in and didn't Attack We told them we were friendly, And they started Shooting! Finally a big, ugly fella named Ian, he explained it to us He said they's a fighting a folks called the friendlies Friendlies had killed his brother And he was writing a report on it It was going to be a Kinsey Report He said it was so bad, They couldn't even have Harmony in their music Arguing about harmony broke up the best band on the planet Jimmy and Tommy Dorsai. He said he'd met some whackos before But we were enough to drive a Graeme Crackers. Well, we found a systems with planets nine We thought things were going fine One was green, and one was red, And towards the green one we did head. But, we ended up on the red one instead, Got employment there installing indoor plumbing They Call us the John Carters of Mars. But, then we one day we were installing plumbing in a bathroom that was already Occupied, We got what they called a Deja view. We were told that we were in big trouble, and we better leave. So, we said "Thank you Mr. Tarkas, Fore Warned is Four Armed, "And we left. But, were not sure yet that were safe, for as they say: "I'm being followed by Barsoom Shadows, Barsoom Shadows,Barsoom Shadows. " Now, we were Lost in Space, we were flying blind. When our hydrophonics got in a bind. There was too much neutral in the nutrient broth We gave the robot a bunch of useless starcharts And told him to make fertilizer, but he wouldn't do it He just waved his vanes and twiddled his arms and said, "It does not compost... "Well, we gave him a Warning, Warning. We told him he'd be in Danger, Danger. And he finally decided he could do it. Except for one Forbidden Planet, Mechanical Id-iot. He didn't dare Re-fusel, Although he did claim it was Robbying Peter to Pay Paul. Well, we cruised until we found humans of sorts And we settled down in Mos Eisley port I was lookin round for a friendly bar, But I think I had travelled a tad to far I was talking to this big furry fella But he had to leave the bar and keep hitting the john Said he drank the water on the wrong planet, Had a bad case of the Kessel Runs. Sort of like the Logan's Runs Anyhow, he got kind of friendly And invited me back up to his flat. Said I could have a close encounter with a Furred Kind. I declined. He got Cantankerous, that bar got uproarious, And I'd been in fights before, but that was a genuine Bar Wars, And by George, I'll Look as far as that again Before I stop in a bar like that REPEAT FIRST VERSE: And I'm telling you my friends, my word is good as gold, I not pull-ing your leg, I hope I never get a chance to get back to my old star, Galaxy, Planet, or Universe. Even if it's not Far man. Even if I can go by Carr, I'm not a Gernsback...You go.