Another bit of humor from the traveling e-mail circus.

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   Subject:  Misplaced Modifiers
>
>At a Santa Fe gas station: We will not sell gasoline to
>anyone in a  glass container.
>
>In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider
>our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
>
>On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be
>prosecuted to  the full extent of the law. --Sisters of
>Mercy
>
>On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38
>years on the same spot.
>
>In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every
>night but  Sunday. 
>
>In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
>
>In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy.
>
>In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans
>for owning  your home.
>
>In a New York medical building: Mental Health
>Prevention Center
>
>On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and
>tired of the  Episcopal
>Church.
>
>On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers
>the lowest  possible prices and workmanship.
>
>On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now
>available in multi-packs.
>
>In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill
>your wife.   Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
>
>In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
>
>In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16
>and 17 necks. 
>
>
>In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15
>men's wool suits,  $10.  They won't last an hour!
>
>On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament --
>Ears pierced 
>
>Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell
>antiques.
>
>In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere
>and be cheated  when you can come here?
>
>In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and 
>weekends.
>
>In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last
>person to leave please see that the perpetual light is
>extinguished.
>
>In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited
>from picking  flowers from any but their own graves.
>
>On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
>
>On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing
>without permission.
>
>
>On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under
>water, this road is impassable.
>
>Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you
>can't read  this, it's time to wash your car.
>
>And apparently, somewhere in England in an open
>field otherwise  untouched by human presence, there
>is a sign that says "Do not throw stones at  this sign."
>
>At a road side rest stop: "Grill yourself here"